Hey, Go Start That Passion Project

Isn’t it funny how some of the biggest things in life happen slow, yet all at once?

Isn’t it funny how you never knew something, but then you kinda never NOT knew it too?

It really isn’t that the one thing that happened did. It’s that when that one thing happened, it was the last thing that happened before the big thing HAD to take place.

Moments like that are the ones you gotta look out for. Those moments are the ones that change who you are, alter how you think and motivate the trajectory of where you’re about to go. And honestly, that’s pretty much exactly how this whole thing started.

Step 1. UNDERSTAND YOUR WHY

Could be 25, maybe 30 years she’s been that way — reliable, steady, consistent, would do anything for anyone, a true momma bear to everyone’s cub.

The back side of July in Alabama is no joke. This particular summer has been likely one of the hottest and most humid I can recall, a real standout. If you rolled up at my house you would see that clearly I have made a choice to avoid lengthy and unnecessary outdoor tasks for the past couple of weeks. I now have made peace with the fact that my yard, my unfinished projects, my would-be spring/summertime goals to attempt to make my home the next awe-worthy home of Instagram just isn’t going to begin in this weather by me. I lack the heart needed. Instead, my yard displays a multitude of plants that are past their prime, sporadic yard confetti made by my lawn mower and general construction paraphernalia peppered around for interest by my husband. Not my best seasonal display.

It’s Saturday and I’m headed to hit my favorite antique and variety vendor store. For what? Absolutely nothing I need or that is known to me. I am by myself, I have fresh coffee and my cold car air conditioning is blowing hard to the point it is drying the whites of my eyes. There is no middle ground with the car air conditioning on this day. I know, I tried to find it for 15 minutes previous to this moment. Between the two options I had found, too hot or too cold — it’s too cold for the win. I get an incoming call as I’m driving and it’s her.

Hey, Jess. What are you doing? She doesn’t wait for an answer before she continues. So, I’m jumping out of a plane today, she adds casually.

Step 2. REMOVE THE CLUTTER AND ORGANIZE YOUR BRAIN

The truth of the matter is this, her birthday is coming up. In the past year or so there have been changes. They have been big changes. They have been changes that have been somewhat out of her control. These changes have been basic, but life altering. After 20 plus years of zero deviance, she now has started a new career. She’s a grandmother for the first time now. She’s moved houses, sizing down considerably from a new construction to a fixer upper, for reasons of sensibility. Her youngest is in his second year of college, is a very mature goal-oriented hard worker and is seldom at home. Her husband works a great deal, accepts overtime most every opportunity it presents itself. He too is reliable. He too is steady. He too is consistent.

Her life is lovely, predictable, established. And on this birthday she will be 50.

Have I noticed a change in her over the past few months? Absolutely.

She’s scrambling, she’s distant in a way I have never known her to be. Previous conversations confirm what I suspected to be true. She’s feeling somewhat unfulfilled at times, used up, needing something more. And she’s wondering, she’s asking herself questions, she’s taking a full accounting of her life up until this moment and she’s been adding it up. And now… she knows the answer.

I’ve felt it. I know you’ve felt it. If you’re on the way out of the growing up kids mommin’ game, you’ve absolutely felt it too.

She’s done it too long. She’s done for everyone else, given to everyone else, shown up for everyone else, done all the things that were expected of her, remembered all the birthdays for all the family and friends, attended all the life events, she made sure the laundry was done, she make sure the bills were paid, she made sure the pets were fed, the house looked nice, groceries were stocked and all the other things. But now — well, now she looking back over the past 50 years at exactly what she has done that was just and only for her. It’s not much that she’s coming up with, it’s not worth listing in her mind, it’s a whole lot of later, another time, when the kids are grown, after the this gets done and on and on and on.

Truth doesn’t always sit well on the palette.

Step 3. MAKE A PLAN OF ACTION

And anyway — what does she even want to do that she hasn’t, that she couldn’t, that she didn’t have time for, that she was going to do later, that she thought she’d be judged for, that she thought wasn’t proper for her role in life, that she never planned for, that got her excited about life, that made her spirit glitter, that made her the most authentic version of herself? Seriously, what did she want to do? WHAT did she want to do? WHAT did SHE WANT?

Silence.

But then… silence started to bring answers.

But like, there were a lot of answers, and a lot of thoughts, a lot of realization, a lot of reflecting, a lot of seeing that who you are isn’t a complete representation of who your spirit wants to be, a lot of noticing where you held yourself back at times because of someone else’s thoughts or feelings or needs, a lot of truth.

And right there. Right there in that moment is where I image it happened. It was the moment she was sitting with herself, reflecting on herself about herself. That moment changed her.

And you know, it really was just that small thing, her sitting with herself reflecting about herself that made the big thing happen next.

That moments changed who she was. It altered how she thought and motivated the trajectory of where she was about to go.

Step 4. START SMALL, START BIG, START IN YOUR SPARE TIME, START FOR 30 MINUTES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT WHILE YOU’RE WAITING YOUR TURN FOR THE BATHROOM. REALLY DOESN’T MATTER FOR HOW LONG — JUST START

Could be 25, maybe 30 years she’d been that way — reliable, steady, consistent, would do anything for anyone, a true momma bear to everyone’s cub.

Sure, sure the girl has a heavy hint of crazy that she never completely tucks in. And honestly, even on her best of days when her sweetness is heavy and her compassion is high, we know how abruptly the crazy can arrive to the party. Knowing this of her, I probably shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. And honestly, I still kind of am because on that day, and on a whim, my girl flat skydived right on out of that plane and had one of the most beautiful, most authentic smiles I’ve ever seen on her beautiful face.

And honestly, that’s pretty much exactly how this whole thing started.